After hours of sitting in front of a blank computer screen, desperately trying to describe his feelings about the latest BMW 3-Series, our tattered and frayed automotive editor finds himself in an imaginary conversation with his conscience. The problem with the article lies not with the car itself, but with how to describe it without sounding like a junior marketing weenie from BMW headquarters.

"Here we go again, another incoherent rambling about the virtues of this or that European car. I mean really, Grant, after last month's glowing tribute to the Audi A4 and Volvo 850, how do you expect anyone to take you seriously when you say that you have just driven the best European car for under $40,000?"

"Well, this car really is the best. You know how automotive journalists are always calling vehicles 'the new 3-Series', or 'serious competition for BMW entry-level sedans'? It's because the BMW 3-Series is truly the benchmark for sporty, compact cars."

"Hmmm, maybe you're right. It seems like quite a few of the competing manufacturers are hung up on this idea too. Why, I must have seen three ads last night letting me know that the new Volvo 850 Turbo out-accelerates the BMW 328i. How did it come to pass that everyone found themselves catching up with BMW.

"It's probably a result of the BMW design philosophy of the late 1960s and early 1970s. When the rest of the automotive world was designing hot-rods and luxo-barges, BMW was quietly working on the 1600 and 2002. You remember those little boxes on wheels; they looked kind of like an inverted bathtub?"

"Certainly, every once in a while you still see those small Bavarian around cars, chugging along on lazy Sunday afternoons."

"That's the one. Those cars started a little revolution known as the sports sedan. The latest offerings from Volvo, Audi and Volkswagen, not to mention the Acura Integra GS-R, Cadillac Seville STS and Ford Taurus SHO, owe their inspiration to that mighty little car. The 3-Series, of course, is the spiritual descendent of the 2002. Sure the price has gone up, but the idea is the same; good performance and everyday practicality. As the traditional sports car market takes a nose-dive due to limited versatility, more and more people are turning to sport sedans for their performance thrills. Having worked on this concept for nearly 30 years, BMW has a sizable jump on the competition."

"All right, I get the point. But what's so special about the 328i? It looks almost identical to last year's model?"

"Ah, that's where most people make their mistake. The new 328i may not look like anything new, but under the hood it's an entirely different story. As you may have noticed by the change in name, this 6-cylinder BMW gains an increase in displacement. BMW uses the additional displacement to boost torque by roughly 14 percent. Additionally, peak torque now occurs at a relatively low 3,950 rpm. All of this extra mid-range power translates into 0-to-60 acceleration times that are nearly one second faster than before. To handle this additional oomph, BMW slapped a ZF type C shifter into their manual transmission-equipped models. You've heard of this shifter before, it's the same one found on the ultra-high performance M3. Finally, new 4-wheel ventilated disc brakes let drivers reel in their sanity when the 328's heady power becomes too much to bear."

"Wow, you make it sound like this is the car of all cars; why would anyone ever buy anything else?"

"A couple of reasons. First, the 328i is comfortable, but not particularly roomy. Front seat passengers get by with adequate leg and headroom, but adult rear seat passengers will definitely feel squeezed. Trunk room is a paltry 10.3 cubic feet; barely enough space to stow a couple's gear for a romantic weekend getaway. Second, is that while the 328i is extremely convenient, but it does not offer all of the luxury features that some people may expect. Thus, its rather Spartan interior may be a turn-off for the wrap-me-in-cowhide-and-surround-me-with-gizmos set. Perhaps most importantly, however, is the prohibitive price. At just over $38,000, our BMW 328i test car out-priced some of its well-equipped competitors to the tune of $10,000. Heck, for that much money you could buy your kid an almost-new Geo Prizm to take to Fun-in-the-Sun University next fall."

"OK, I can see that this is not the car for all people, but I recall you mentioning something about the 328i's sublime driving experience. Something about blazing across the flatlands of Colorado's eastern slope, tarmac unrolling in front of you like an endless black carpet, Richard Thompson blasting on the stereo, with the gas pedal screaming, 'more, more, more.' Have you forgotten about that?"

"No, I haven't. Driving the 328i reminds me of why all sport sedans are inevitably compared to this BMW. It's hard, though, to pinpoint the dominant driving characteristic of the 328i. The power from the 6-cylinder engine is silky smooth, providing large doses of acceleration whenever needed; the manual transmission goes snick, snick, snick, as you run through the high-performance gearbox; the suspension is taut but not harsh, like the strings on a bass guitar; and the steering is intuitively communicative. The amazing thing, however, is that none of these features stand out while driving. Indeed, the 328i driving experience is a gestalt; a distinct happening that is more than the sum of its parts. Where a car like the Ford Contour may have characteristics of the BMW's suspension; or the Volvo 850 Turbo may have the Bimmers acceleration, or the Audi A4 may embody components of the 328i's steering, the overall impression of these competing vehicles falls short of the high hurdle set by this BMW."

"Those are some pretty big compliments you're throwin' around, partner. Are you trying to tell me that this car is peerless?"

"As a complete package, I would have to say that the BMW 328i is heads and shoulders above the competition. There are other near-luxury and luxury sedans that may offer more appeal in any single category; the Audi A4, for example, offers a higher degree of luxury and more appealing sheetmetal, but none of the competitors are synchronized quite like the 328i."

"Sheesh, you're beginning to sound like a Munich pitch-man; they really dialed your number."

"Indeed they did, and you're right; I am starting to sound like a pitch-man. Before I lose my remaining credibility I had better stop talking to myself and get back to work."

Thus, our fearless editor ruminates for another hour or so before deciding how to describe this rendition of the Ultimate Driving Machine. It really isn't that difficult, he decides. In fact, it's just a twelve word sentence. This is the best sports sedan you can buy for under $40,000.